exhaustion

i hate it when weekends don't feel like a day off. i guess it is my own fault though. since friday afternoon, tony has been down in mexico visiting dave, so i made the most of my time alone and booked 5 shoots. 3 models saturday, and 2 yesterday. plus i shot some self portraits saturday night. i dropped off 12 rolls of film this morning. i am (as always) anxious to see what i came up with. i have made a point to use exclusively use my handheld meter, so hopefully my exposures are groovy. this photography thing sure is taking over my life.... in a good way.

last saturday tony and i went to the getty. this is what i saw.

Cock Slave

yesterday i spent the afternoon photographing my dear friend marriah. we did a bunch of portraits, and i experimented with "pushing film". we also shot #4 of my cock series. marriah and her master live a 24/7 D/s life. it is funny, there are so outside what people would consider a "normal" relationship, but i swear, they have one of the best partnerships i have ever seen. they love each other unconditionally. it is always a pleasure to spend time in their home.

this coming weekend tony is going to be in mexico visiting his pal dave, and i will be home shooting models upon models upon models. it's gonna rock.

tonight The Airborne Toxic Event is going to be on Carson Daly. watch it ;)

Venice Beach on a Saturday Morning

last saturday after the meeting in the sand, tony and i did our typical boardwalk stroll..... i have always loved "the graffiti wall" in venice, an area on the beach where they unofficially encourage people to do their artwork to try to keep other places spraypaint free. although i am generally not a huge fan of grafitti, i appreciate it done in a non-destructive manner. the walls are ever changing. i can only image how many coats of paint there are.

"Sometime Around Midnight"

well, actually, it was sometime around 2:30 in the afternoon.

last sunday tony and i went to the music video shoot for the 2nd video from the Airborne Toxic Event, for the song "Sometime Around Midnight". i figured it was a good excuse to burn the 3200 i have been carrying around. while they were filming in other parts of the club, the band put on a mini concert and i had fun playing photographer.

(btw: in case you don't REALLY know me: the lead singer is my tony's little brother. they rock my socks right off. oh, and they are now OFFICALLY signed! yay! the album should be in stores in July.)

if you want to hear the song - www.myspace.com/theairbornetoxicevent

mik and daren (the drummer) playing the bass
noah (the bass player) fucking around on the drums
daren and noah doin the ole switcharoo!
anna (who plays the electric viola & keyboard) playing with a guitar
and now, everyone in their correct places

manic monday

i hate the government.

i hate paying taxes.

so, since tomorrow is d-day, i had my tax appointment this morning. the last possible minute, in true trashy fashion. of course, i forgot my w-2. therefore driving across town in morning rush hour traffic was a total waste of time. yay. fuckin a.

weekend was groovy though. went to our meeting saturday morning, took a nap saturday afternoon. watched some bad movies. sunday i shot engagement pictures for my pals chris & kelly, then went to spaceland to be in the music video for "sometime around midnight". experimented with some 3200 at the video shoot. dropped off film this morning.

have i told you i need a vacation??


this is holly again. i have been told i captured park of her soul in this frame. yay! holly soul is good. friday i am going to go over and visit and reshoot what i fucked up last time. she is so cool to let me try again. i am lucky to be surrounded by wonderful model pals.

i already missed a day.

jesus christ.

i can't even go a whole week and do what i say i want to do. too funny.

good news the last few days. i got the negatives back of holly and i am really happy with them for the most part. the only disappointment is the one setting i was REALLY excited about, i fucked up. that damn exposure gets me every time! oh well. live and learn. but all in all, i am stoked; i got some great portraits & a new cock shot.... and hopefully she'll let me come over and reshoot what i messed up really quick. *fingers crossed* i am going to continue editing over the next couple days and see if i missed anything the first round.

last night after work The Airborne Toxic Event played a benefit for recycling at the Culver Studios. it was outside, and really rad; although we were afraid about the sound quality because of the uncontrolled environment, but they sounded great, and that makes me happy. we (me and their mom) are so fucking critical over every show because we care so much. but it seemed like they drew a good little crowd for a wednesday after work, and the more they get out there, the bigger they will be.

another busy weekend is ahead of me..... *yawn*


this is holly lookin all fabulous and freckley!

another day, another dollar

so yesterday, i was at the labor board delivering permits and came out to find a boot on my car. fucking sweeeeeeet. my registration was a week overdue and i had some parking tickets i hadn't taken care of. it was lovely. made for a great day.

while i was sitting in the labor board, i texted tony, "i need a vacation". the events that proceeded said text REALLY rang true just 10 minutes later.

i am tired. i am tired of waking to an alarm, tired of always being on the go, tired of being tired. right now, my schedule is full. on the couple nights a week i have to myself, i spend time on the computer, playing with my pictures. it is a blessing, cause without my photography i think i might go a little nuts. which for me usually means a big "fuck you" to responsibility and a hardcore slump of depression. i can't be depressed right now. i am too busy to be depressed.

thankfully tony had a little money saved up and we were able to take care of the car issues without a problem. one of these days i will be a grown up and able to fulfill my responsibilities without having to run to my honey, or my folks, or my boss and ask to be bailed out once again. it is annoying. i feel like i am a rodent on a wheel. going through the motions, but not getting anywhere. but then, when i feel down, i have to look at things from a new perspective. at least i have a job, a home, a car.......

tonight we are possibly going to my darling friend alex's new pad for a bbq. i miss her. she was working for the past month on the new porno "pirates" movie and i feel like it's been forever since i have seen her. it should be a good time, although i am a little bummed about missing "the biggest loser". i know, lame.

i get the film of holly back today. it's always good to have things to look foward to.

the cock getting a foot job by melanie.

happy cock.

anticipation

friday after work, i met and photographed holly loveday. i <3 her.

if i fuck these up, it's nobody's fault but my own. she is stunning, a fantastic model, and cooler than a cucumber.

and she is "cock tease" :)

i dropped off 5 rolls at the lab this morning, i will know tomorrow...... the anticipation in killing me.

tonight i am going to work on the joshua tree pics and see if i can conquer my scanner. i think i can i think i can i think i can.......

this weekend was one of those non-weekends. saturday, i went with tony and his family to san diego to visit his gramma and uncles. it was a blast, ate too much, relaxed in their beautiful home, hung with my other mother. but the trip home was the best part. we decided to have a sing along, and sitting between tony's dad and bro in the backseat was the best place to be. fucking HILARITY! i laughed so hard i had a belly ache and tears rolling down my face.

tony's bro is SUPPOSED to be signing his record deal today. *fingers crossed*

sunday, we woke up early so i could get ready for my shoot and tony could go to his meeting. well, as what tends to happy with us internet models, my model canceled..... she wants to reschedule, so we'll do it eventually. so since tony and i were up and ready to go, we decided to go walking around downtown and look for a place to have breakfast. we found "clifton's" a COOOOOOOOL old place, buffet style. it rocked. then we continued to stroll around, picked up fresh flowers for the loft, went home and got the dog and took her to a little ritzy pet store to buy a new collar, then to little tokyo. by the time we got home, it was time to shower, and go to camarillo to have dinner with his new business partner and his wife. i ate too much. again.

bosslady is still gone, i am still burned out on the day job, i need a vacation.

yawn.
this is desiree on my couch a couple of weeks back. it is the best picture of a person i have taken in my opinion. i hope i did half as well with holly.....

how long have i put this off??

i always said i wanted to start blogging. shit, i used to say i wanted to write a book of my modeling experiences accompanied with pictures from each shoot. i guess i still could someday. maybe i will..... probably i won't.

fucking pisces.

so, instead, now that i have a newfound passion, i will use this to talk about those deep dark nasty ass feelings that sometimes take over. all in all right now, life is great. i have two shoots over the next 72 hours that i am stoked for and things couldn't be better.

i have been spoiled. the feedback on my photography has been super good so far. people i consider mentors have told me i have "the eye", which is groovy. night before last, i scanned 107 negatives from the past week. my scanner is laughing at me. it's wiggling and poking it's finger in my eye. it's making my shots look like crap, and instead of doing what i would normally do, give up and take everything to the lab and let it sit there on my desk collecting dust, i will conquer it god dammit. just give me time.

but for now, model shoots will go to the lab. it is cheap and they bust em out for me in a couple hours, and they look reallllly good.

good thing i take enough pictures of nothing to make the home scanner worth my time.

i am watching the clock. tonight, i am shooting holly. i luv her. she's super neato lookin. i hope i do her justice. i have no plan, am shooting at a place i have never been, and shooting at a time i have never shot. but she's good...... and the house (from what everyone has said) is fantastic. hopefully i can make the light behave. actually if the sun goes down it may give me an excuse to put the 3200 in my camera i have been carrying around for weeks to see what happens. renee may join us and i can pick her brain on a few things. she said she may want to shoot me too, which if there is enough time, would be cool. i have this image of holly and me in my head, and it might be cool if it comes to fruition. if not, that's cool too. shooting is my priority. having my picture taken is fun, but it's kinda like that who "been there done that" thing right now. i don't even have my fake nails on, and i don't really care.

the pic was taken up at tony's aunt and uncle's ranch in whitetrashville a couple weekends ago. it's my new favorite.